We’ve been here before. Things are going along fine. We spend time together most nights–World News at 6:30. Jeopardy at 7:00. Comedies. Dramas. The occasional guilty pleasure coughduckdynastycoughcough. But you don’t judge. Any time together is fine by you.
And then you get needy. Clingy. Demanding. And maybe a little jealous of the HBOGo app on the Smart TV. Don’t deny it. You’ve been rolling your eyes at any mention of Netflix for years. Netflix is nice, I say. It offers movies and tv shows you’re not showing. Eye roll.
You more than double the cost of being together. You tell me that if this isn’t working, we can see less of each other. Less of each other? Channels 2-22? I’d rather not see you at all.
Last time you panicked. Started throwing out the apologies and promises to change. Please stay! you begged. Don’t go! You offered me free movie channels (not the good ones, but at least you were trying). You gave me a special rate. You made me believe I was special.
Not this time. When it all happened again, the jarring letter in the mail (so cold!), the realization that you are incapable of true change, I knew our time had come. This relationship isn’t working, I say. To be honest, I don’t find many of your channels attractive anymore. I try to remember the last time I watched Bravo–I’m sure it’s been two or three seasons of Top Chef.
And that’s when you shrugged. Fine. Go.
Hulu Plus is only $7.99/month.
Eye roll. Good luck watching the series finale of How I Met Your Mother.
I’m not bluffing, Cable! I’m leaving you!
You’ll be back.